I found this in some of my "comedy" stuff when I was cleaning up my hard drive. It is an oldie but still a goodie:
I WISH I WERE A BROODMARE
A group of scientists sat around one morning having coffee and somehow came up with the conclusion that HUMANS are THE intelligent species, i.e., that homo sapiens are far superior in brain power to all the world’s other creatures.
My little bitty unscientific brain got to thinking about this proclamation, and this is what I came up with.
1) I think broodmares lie around the barn on late winter/early spring mornings (after being served breakfast in bed and having maid service in their stall) and can’t wait for the latest edition of their monthly breed journal (i.e., The Quarter Horse Journal, Modern Arabian, The Blood Horse Stallion Register) to come out. They peruse the slick, glossy ads and ooh and ah over the stallions on the pages. These stallions are typically the best that are allowed to reproduce. Most of them are all good-looking, intelligent, athletic, healthy and excel in one discipline or another.
2) Mares can pick out a different stallion every year without garnering a bad reputation.
3) Broodmares roam about in spacious pastures and eat virtually all day, nap, and socialize prior to coming in for the evening for another catered meal and a clean “room”.
4) “Fat” is actually considered a desirable asset for a broodmare.
5) Mares get new shoes or at least a pedicure every 6 to 8 weeks and often get their hair done at least weekly (if not on a daily basis) if they have to go somewhere.
6) Mares are chauffeured around in some very expensive vehicles every time they need to go somewhere. The vehicles are designed especially for them and ooh, ooh, ooh, there is usually another one of those catered meals in the front of the thing.
7) Broodmares are expected to have babies every year, but once the babies are weaned in 4 to 6 months --- THEY CAN’T MOVE BACK HOME!
In summation, my mares typically have better clothes, vehicles, grooming, living conditions and medical care than I do.
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